Woman Wanted For Hot Cheese Attack

Seattle police are looking for a woman who attacked a store clerk early this morning after learning, that, as the saying goes, there is no such thing as a free bag of hot, liquid cheese.

Just before 1 AM, the woman walked into the 7-11 near SW Barton and 35th Avenue SW and bought a bag of Doritos. She then walked over to the store’s liquid chili cheese dispenser, opened up her bag of chips, and began pouring hot cheese into the bag.

When the clerk informed the woman he would have to charge her for the cheese, she flew into a rage and began screaming at the man, before she threw the cheese-filled bag at his head, spattering him with hot orange goo.

The suspect fled the store and ran to a silver Chevy Malibu, and when the clerk followed the woman out to her car to get a look at her license plate, she punched him in the back and took off.

The victim called 911 and officers arrived to find the man with cooling cheese on his hat and face. The victim told officers he believed the suspect—a black female, about 35 years old, wearing large hoop earrings and a grey sweatsuit—is a regular at the store. The clerk was not seriously injured.

While police were investigating the incident, the woman actually called police. She refused to identify herself, but said she would come down to the precinct to talk about the incident.

She never showed up.