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Cops Looking to Handcuff Man Who Stole $400 Worth of Items From Adult Emporium

A man spotted fleeing a Capitol Hill adult emporium last Saturday with nearly $400 worth of intimate items has aroused the attention of East Precinct theft detectives.

Staff at the Castle Adult Megastore—located near Broadway and E. John Street—called police around 10:20 p.m. and reported they had been making recommendations to the man inside the store when he turned and fled with a veritable menagerie of merchandise, including a “Heavenly Dolphin” and a “Rabbit.”

In addition to the aforementioned marital aids, the suspect made off with “athletic socks,” several pairs of hosiery, personal lubricant, a “Hercules” gentleman’s pump, and “hottie police fishnet stockings,” which are decidedly not department-issue.

After running out of the store, the suspect—described by witnesses as a white male in his late 40s with black hair, wearing a grey shirt and khakis—sped away in a white SUV, but employees were able to get a look at the suspect’s license plate number, which they provided to officers.

East Precinct Burglary/Theft detectives are now working to identify the suspect so they can gently whisper him his Miranda rights.